Friday, June 03, 2005

A dialog between dog and owner: a play in 10 acts

Act 1: (6 pm) The homecoming
Dog: (exuberant) She's home!!!! (bounding onto the couch) Feed me feed me feed me. Walk me walk me walk me. No, walk me longer, it's the favorite part of my day.
Owner: It's so wonderful to come home to someone so excited to see me. And most days I don't really mind the walk, it's a good chance to shift gears, get outdoors, and talk to my husband.

Act 2: (7:15 pm) Dinner and a play
Owner: Ah, finally some dinner. I just want to sit down and relax for a little bit.
Dog: It's a beautiful evening. Come play stick in the back yard with me. please please please
Owner: Oh, all right. It is a nice night (though a bit chilly), but if you start to lose interest, I am going back in the house to eat my dinner.

Act 3: (8:15 pm) Downtime
Owner: I've got to get some work done on the computer now.
Dog: You're boring. I'm going to go curl up on the couch and nap.
Owner: You're such a good dog, so understanding of the human schedule, and much less demanding than when you were a puppy.

Act 4: (10:15 pm) Bedtime
Owner: (climbing into bed) OK, come on up.
Dog: (jumping up on the bed and curling up behind the owner) Bed time, at last! I was tired, I just kept falling asleep on the couch. You stay up SO late.
Owner: (snuggling in with the dog) I'm not a big fan of the dog hairs all over the bed, but it sure is nice to curl up with a warm body when my husband isn't here.

Act 5: (2:45 am) Barking fit
Dog: (barking wildly and leaping off the bed) Cats outside! Cats outside! Let me outside to bark at them! Let me outside to bark at them now!
Owner: (suddenly roused from a dead sleep) What the $%@#? Damn, dog. (grumbling as she walks down the hallway to let the dog out) It's the middle of the night and I'm supposed to be get at least 3 more hours of uninterrupted sleep, and I know that's not going to happen now.
(5 minutes later Dog wants to come back in the house, owner gets back up to let it in, dog curls up on bed and is instantly asleep, owner takes 20 minutes to fall back asleep)

Act 6: (5:20 am) Sunrise
Dog: Wake up! Wake up! It's light out, so it's time to get up and have breakfast and play and go for a walk. Wake up! Wake up!
Owner: No. You can't have breakfast until 6 am, well, 5:50 at the earliest, you know the rules. Go back to sleep.
Dog: No, I won't. Wake up. Wake up.
(This continues for 20 minutes until Owner gives up and gets breakfast for Dog)

Act 7: (6:45 am) Alarm goes off
Owner: OK, now I'll get up.
Dog: You're finally getting up? Oh boy. Oh boy. Let's go for a walk!
Owner: We'll get to your walk in its own time. First, I need to have breakfast and take a shower. And you know how slow I am.
Dog: (under her breath) Couldn't be any slower if you tried...I'll be patient, but I'm going to keep letting you know I'm there. Would you please put my collar on me?

Act 8: (8:00 am) The morning walk
Owner: Get your collar, get your leash, get your shoes on, get a bag, you better stretch...Oh there's your collar. Let me grab a jacket.
Dog: Well, it's about time. So many gopher holes to sniff, trees to pee on, dogs to watch (but never play with), places to go, things to see....what? we're home already?
Owner: I must do this, and this, and this, and this, and this, and ... But first, I better do that, and that, and that. Oh yeah, and I have to pack a lunch. I'm running late. I've got to go.

Act 9: (8:30 am) Departure
Owner: (pushing dog out the back door) Bye, dog. You be good today. I'll be home this evening. I love you, dog.
Dog: You're leaving me? Why do you do this every day? Do you spend all day going on walks without me? Don't you love me?

Act 10: (the work day) Their lives apart.
Owner: (generally content, but when she sees that it's a nice day outside, and she's stuck in front of computer in a windowless office, she's a little jealous of her dog)
(we can only imagine...)

1 comment:

Writer Chica said...

We were thinking of getting a dog, but after reading this (and many conversations) I think that will need to be put on hold for awhile. Toddler has begun tantrumming and I'm sure I don't have the patience for two toddlers right now.

That was pretty funny and I could totally see Dog saying those things!